Hetalia Recipes: America
by qhckaloyhzcxtmb
Summary: Impress your friends by cooking up the all-American, fit-for-heroes Alfred F. Jones Heroic Hero Casserole! Rated T just to make sure.


**A/N: So there I was, staring at my awesome chibi America computer background, in which he victoriously holds up a hamburger. And a random thought popped into my head. How would America make a hamburger, his perfect hamburger? But then I remembered he just buys Mickey D's, and eventually that idea formed to what it is now: how to make Alfred F. Jones. Hope you enjoy! (a note though: I am not good at cooking or know how to very well. If instructions don't make sense, it's because I made them up xD)**

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Your friends will love you once they taste the amazing Alfred F. Jones Heroic Hero Casserole. This dish perfectly combines all you look for in a dish and makes it into one truly delicious culinary masterpiece fit for the hero in your life.

Warning:

Some of the ingredients, when mishandled or mixed incorrectly, will explode and cause a phenomenon known as 'awesomeness syndrome'. More about this later.

Ingredients

*1 Courage, sliced thickly.

*Heroism. Casserole will be mushy and tasteless without this, so make extra sure you have plenty in hand. This will be sprinkled on top of the casserole to your liking. We at the Hetalia Kitchen recommend to start with a pinch of heroism, and if you find you like it that way, why not just pour the whole thing?

*Hamburger meat. Again, this will be to your liking. The minimum needed to truly achieve the consistency and taste of the Heroic Hero Casserole would be at least 2 pounds. The meatier, the merrier, the better.

*5 tablespoons of justice

*5 tablespoons of freedom

*5 tablespoons of patriotism or pride, whichever you happen to have handy. For a sticker, chewier casserole, go for the patriotism. For a softer, doughier casserole, go for the pride.

*1 tablespoon of happiness syrup. If it's meat flavored, great!

*1 oven-safe dish. MUST be colored red, white, and blue.

*1 separate bowl

*Whisk

Directions

Preheat oven to about 350 degrees F.

As you wait for the oven to warm up, take the hamburger meat and mash it up with your hands until it resembles alien barf. Oh, that was another thing you needed before starting this recipe: an alien, and observe the curious consistency of its vomit. If you don't have an alien, start over until you find one. If you're an American, it won't take you long.

After it resembles the barf, take the bowl and put the justice, freedom, and patriotism/pride and mix them with the whisk (this mixture is called the American Way and goes great with other American recipes). Stop once the colors of the mixture spell out "America, fuck yeah!". This may take a while.

When the words are written across it (if it only slightly looks like it spells that, the recipe might fail. Better safe than sorry and keep whisking.), pour over meat. You know you whisked enough when the words retain their shape on top of the mush. However, wait half an hour for the American Way to be absorbed by the hamburger meat. Once done, only the words will remain and the rest will have been introduced to the meat.

Take the sliced Courage and put around the border. It helps if the courage is sliced like stars, airplanes, cowboy boots, or eagles. Not only does the casserole look prettier, but your friends will be amazed at the awesome shapes they're eating.

Next, pour the happiness syrup around the borders. Happiness syrup is very thick and rich in taste, yet adding a ton of it doesn't make it pop out and ruin this particular dish. Put as much as you like, and for added fun, make shapes with the syrup too. * Be careful NOT to pour over "America, fuck yeah!" If you do, this is where the previous warning comes in. The words will be offended at having something poured over their awesome selves and will angrily set the dish on fire. You may suffer severe burns and death. But if you're still reading this, you are clearly still alive and have saved us a lawsuit. *

Put the dish in the oven and wait. The Heroic Hero Casserole takes as long as it damn well pleases to cook, so you must be on high alert. If you cook it for too long, your oven will explode and you will die. I you don't cook it enough, you will explode for being stupid and impatient... and you will die.

The time it takes for the casserole to finish is anywhere from as short as 5 minutes because it has better, heroic things to do, or as long as one whole season, because it's winter and it doesn't want to come out just yet. Be extremely careful and watchful of the oven.

Finally, when the dish is done, you'll hear America's anthem start to play. Your dish is ready and may be removed from the oven.

Sprinkle the heroism all over the casserole and as much as you want. Once you're satisfied, take the whole thing out and eat it yourself!

You didn't actually think this awesome, amazingly tasty dish was going to be wasted on _your friends_, did you?

A note from the Hetalia Kitchen: If you want to zest up your casserole, feel free to accompany it with any recipes of the following origin: American (your taste buds will be so overwhelmed at the scrumptious flavors they might combust and cause tiny but enjoyable explosions in your mouth).

All other foreign recipes might work but not as great as American. However, there are so many, we will tell you the ones you should not under ANY circumstances accompany with the casserole: Russian recipes. There are a few days where Russian recipes go magically with American recipes, but due to the ever changing and mysterious ways, sometimes they don't and can cause the universe to crash within itself. So please, for the sake of the universe, don't.


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